... and a good time was had by all.

Folks, this is just too funny not to pass around!

I may try to do one of my own....later

April's Porker of the Month: Rep. Alan Mollohan

I get an online newsletter, Citizens Against Government Waste, and I think I'll start posting their Porker of the Month winners here. I sure hope more people take notice of how our hard earned dollars are being hijacked by our elected officials and start making some noise.

Better yet, vote out the assholes who think our pockets are ripe for the picking!



April's winner is..........

Citizens Against Government Waste (CAGW) has named Representative Alan Mollohan (D-W.Va.) Porker of the Month for abusing his position on the House Appropriations Committee by securing hundreds of millions of dollars in earmarks that may have benefited him personally. In an April 8, 2006 article, the New York Times detailed how Rep. Mollohan has directed $250 million to five nonprofit organizations that he set up. To run the organizations, Rep. Mollohan has recruited friends and former aides who then contribute to his political campaigns and family foundation. The National Legal and Policy Center has filed a complaint questioning whether a spike in Rep. Mollohan’s personal fortune had any connection to earmarks that he secured, and on April 21, Rep. Mollohan stepped down from his position as the senior Democrat on the House Ethics Committee. For directing earmarks to wasteful projects that have the effect of swelling his campaign coffers and possibly his personal wealth, CAGW names Rep. Alan Mollohan Porker of the Month for April 2006.

Read more here.......

When nature calls - go to the bathroom!

Years ago when we bought our house, the real estate agent said, 'You don't want THAT house. It's cedar!'

She told us of the nightmares we were likely to face in the coming years but, hey, none of that would happen to OUR house! We were going to be responsible home-owners and keep the darn thing maintained and nightmare free.

Who knew that years of woodpeckers pecking out all the knot holes really would translate into an open invitation to all the damn Palmetto bugs and various other unwelcome creatures?

Well, let me tell you - it does.

It also makes for an interesting bath time when you can hear baby birds screaming to be fed and squirrels scratching around while you soak in the tub with only the Fiberglas separating you from them. Very hard to relax when you're hearing 'scratch, scratch, scratch, chirp, chirp, chirp' the entire time!

Wonder if we could qualify as a wildlife sanctuary? If it would help, I could tell them about the bat that got into the house a few years ago. They're a protected species, right?

I should probably check into that because it doesn't look like the situation is likely to change any time soon.

Stick with the sure thing and you can't go wrong

It's official. Husband will be leaving on Friday to check on the RV. He'll be alone. He'll be back on Sunday. Works for me.

I've had an offer to join a friend in a yard sale/craft show on Saturday called Olde Towne Downtown that extends from downtown areas here all the way through to the next state. I don't think it's going to be quite as big as The World's Longest Yardsale that goes from TN to KY but it should be somewhat impressive.

I just don't know if I want to bother or not. I did several craft shows last year featuring homemade dog treats - that sold very well- and pet bandanas - that really didn't. My bandanas are different because they're adjustable so they fit each pet individually. The price was right (or so I thought) at $5.00 each but I only sold 6 out of the 200 I made so I wouldn't consider that a success. I don't know why they didn't sell - I had lots of variety, they were well made, they were unique to anything on the market, and they were priced well. The experience broke my spirit for craft shows so, right now, I don't think I'll be attending.

Actually, I'm thinking of just donating the 194 I have left to an animal rescue organization or to the county animal shelter. That's a tax deduction, right? I'll probably make more money doing it that way!

As for doing the dog treats - not enough time. I can only get 6 - 1/2 pound bags per batch so lots and lots of batches are needed to make enough to display well. It takes an average of 3 hours per batch because they basically just dry out in a low temp oven. The main thing, though, is that I don't have the patience for that this week.

I think I'll just stay home, lose a few games of backgammon, have a few beers, and maybe rent a movie. #2 and #3 will have their own plans so I think it's do-able.

Getting out of the house and mixing it up with others will do you good, you say?

Nah. Meeting new people isn't really on my list of things to do right now. Not enough return on the investment. Besides, I'm still in the red when it comes to the people I already know!

Edited to add a link and correct info on the WLY

Fact really IS stranger than fiction!

Ok, finishing up with my pissy, PMS week.

Some-time friend, bitch neighbor.......

Her visit with me during the weekend was the last straw for me. So, knowing that her husband is off on Mondays, I decide that he and I should have a little talk about exactly what it is that his wife has stuck up her ass.

Folks, you are just NOT going to believe what I'm about to tell you!

According to her husband - she's jealous because I have a working stove and she doesn't.

'You cannot be serious!', I exclaim in utter amazement. 'SHE is jealous of ME?'

Why, you might ask, is it so unfathomable that my new stove couldn't cause her to have feelings of inadequacy?

Well, I'll tell you.

Yes, it's true that her oven doesn't work and hasn't worked for 3 yrs now. They bought it brand new and within the 1st year, the oven goes out twice. Something about the thing that triggers the gas to come on. They have it fixed once but then decided that the stove was a piece of shit and that instead of fixing it again, they would just buy a new one.

Perfectly reasonable plan, right?

However, instead of keeping to that plan, here's what they've done, instead -

Bought a brand new refrigerator
Bought a brand new 'top of the line' stainless steel gas grill
Bought a brand new 'top of the line' charcoal smoker with direct and indirect smoking abilities
Bought a brand new Chrysler Seabring convertible
Bought a nearly new full-size, extended cab, Ford pick-up truck
Replaced the carpet in the living-room, on the steps, and down the hallway
Extended their back deck 10 feet both by length and width
Bought a brand new wooden shed and paid for it to be assembled
He gave her a ruby ring for their anniversary - bought it at Jared's (nothing cheap there!)
She bought him a diamond studded watch for his birthday
Bought a mid-sized (don't really know how you rate them for size but it cost @ $800) generator - in case of hurricane caused power outages

........just to name a few things.

What have I bought in the past 3 yrs?

$100 POS truck to fix up for the kids
New stove (which couldn't be bought until our tax refund was in the bank)

Hmmm.........does something about all this seem to be a bit off to you, too?

I think the woman has more problems than mere jealousy. Pathological narcissism comes to mind.

Edited to add that neither of these lists include Christmas gifts! I just wanted to make that clear. STFBN's husband got her a very nice Kitchen-Aide mixer. Well, husband got me one as well and boy, did THAT piss her off! She wasn't able to rub it in my face. Muhahaha...........

Everyone's hungry. Do you want me to cook something?

I've been in a strange mood all week. The kind of mood that could be pinned on PMS if I still suffered from that affliction. Perhaps I do but under a different name - Post Menopausal Syndrome.

Well, whatever the reason, I've had no patience what-so-ever when it comes to people. Two people in particular. I'm sure you can guess who they are - some-time friend, bitch neighbor and husband.

Husband is easier so let's start with him.....

He wants to know if I want to go to my parent's this weekend to look at the RV. Um.....NO! The kids don't want to go either. They chimed in w/o being asked their opinion on the trip. It's a 4 hour drive, we have to stay with my parents, and they are soooooo extremely boring, and we'll spend all our time watching husband drool all over the RV's interior. Egad! The whole scenario brings to mind the plot of a 'B' rated horror movie.

It's decided that if he wants to go he can go without us. He'll have more fun anyway. Really.

Two days later, he gets a call from his dad. His parents are in Ohio breaking in THEIR new RV and he wants to know if husband has gone to check on ours yet. Check on it? What's to check on? When my dad called to ask husband if there was any routine maintenance he could do for us, like checking the battery, or cranking the thing from time to time, husband said 'No. The solar panels keep the battery charged - no need to crank it.'

So, I ask what sorts of things is he 'supposed to check on'? Husband says, 'The batteries.' I guess there's more than one? Who knew? To which I reply, 'But you told my dad that didn't need to be done. What's the deal?' I think that's a perfectly reasonable question. It's a long drive, the price of gas is high, no one else wants to go, so in my mind - it's a waste of time and money.

Husband didn't seem to care for the question, however. He blows out a huge puff of air, tightens his jaw, and stares up at the ceiling. Sort of like what you do when you're so pissed that you have to decompress in order to stop yourself from beating the ever-lovin' pulp out of somebody.

So, I say, 'Well, hell! I didn't know the question was going to make your head explode! Just forget that I said anything if you want to.' To which he huffs, 'Yeah. I'm going to bed.'

Eh....whatever!

Last night (2 days after the above scene takes place), I'm gathering up the garbage as I usually do on the night before garbage day. He comes into the kitchen and asks, 'You want me to take that out since tomorrow is garbage day?' This pisses me off! Why would THAT piss you off, you ask? Well, first of all - he never offers to do anything. That was an offer - wasn't it? Um, no. An offer would be 'Here. Let me take that out to the garbage' What he does, instead, is to always ASK if I want him to do something. Hello! Big difference!

I can just imagine HIS irritation with me if I continually asked him 'Would you like me to wash your uniforms?' instead of simply washing them. Or asking 'Do you want me to pay the bills?' instead of simply paying them. You see the difference? What's the purpose of asking someone if they want you to do something that everyone knows needs to be done on a regular basis??? Maybe it's because he hasn't taken the trash out in years?

Of course my pissy mood got the best of me and I couldn't resist stating, 'Oh. I didn't know that you realized that tomorrow WAS trash day.' After which he storms out the front door, puts the garbage in the can, and goes to bed via the downstairs thus avoiding any more contact with me.

I'll finish up my week and gripe-fest about bitch neighbor in another post. I think I've run out of room in this one.

"A person is smart; people are stupid."

Case in point - the lynch mob being assembled by Congress (note the date on this article - some things just never change, do they?) and citizens calling for the boycott of certain oil companies.

It's not the oil companies who are responsible. Futures traders and your government are the responsible parties here.

The energy companies don't set the price of oil or of gasoline. The prices you pay for heating oil or gasoline aren't set in boardrooms in Texas but in trading rooms at commodities markets all over the world.
Gas prices aren't set in shadowy conferences in shooting lodges, but in rooms of people shouting or punching computer keys in London, New York, and Tokyo. Oil is a world commodity like tin or copper or rubber or coffee. The price is set by traders anticipating supply and demand.

Read the rest of what Ben Stein has to say on the matter here.

TaxProf Blog offers some perspective on who's really getting the profits from gasoline. To tweak your curiosity and urge you to read what he has to say, look closely at this chart

Gotcha!

No matter how fit, how safe, or how smart you are - this could happen to you at any time.

Prime example of why I just life my life, day by day, and don't worry too much about whether or not I'm doing it 'right'.

A friend by any other name would be a great improvement!

Well, folks, it's finally happened. Sometime friend, bitch neighbor has seen my stove! I should be ecstatic, right? Well...........

She comes over to pay #2 for taking care of the stolen dog - a month ago! Better late than never I guess. She's yet to pay ME for the 3 bags of dog treats she took with a promise to pay while I was gathering them together for a craft show. 3 for $10.00 I tell her when she asks how much she'll owe me, to which she replies, 'Yeah. Like you're ever going to see THAT!. He he he...' I was as amused then as I am now.

While standing in my living-room, lamenting about her step-son calling and asking for money, she's also tazzing up my dog. Having her run around and jump up on her. I tell her that the dog is not allowed (this she already knows having been told every damn time she comes over!) to jump up on people. 'Well, she always does that to me', she says.

I piped up, as a doggie distraction, and said, 'Hey, while you're here, why don't you come see my new stove?' Her reply, 'Oh yes! Let me see the stove!'

We walk to the kitchen where she looks at the stove for a whole 2 seconds, exclaims that 'It's beautiful!', she opens the oven and then says in high-pitched baby talk, 'Isn't it beautiful, doggie? Isn't it beautiful, doggie?', shuts the oven and proceeds to re-taz the dog.

Ok, by this point I've had enough of her having the dog do things she's not supposed to do and her couldn't-give-a-shit attitude toward my new appliance is like a slap in the face. I waited a long time for that fucking stove and she knows it! Why can't she pull her head out of her ass and be happy for someone else for a change? Believe me, I've suffered through countless ramblings by her over every damn thing she and her husband have ever bought and if I heard about them once, I heard about them a thousand times and I've always been appropriately happy and excited for them.

So anyway, I steer her outside because it's really time for her to leave now! On the way to get into her car, she literally climbs up into my flower bed and breaks off the last remaining bloomed Iris. What kind of an ass does that shit? If I had taken that kind of liberty with HER flowers, she would have blown a freakin' gasket and I wouldn't blame her!!!

As she's leaving, she holds up what was once my beautiful flower, waves it around, and says, 'You want to come over?'

Well, not after you treated me like shit, tazzed up my dog, and picked my last fucking flower, bitch!

Free ID's - get your free ID's

While this is VERY good news, it adds yet another thing the already-taxed-up-the-posterior orifice-middle class-working Joe will have to pay for. Good grief. Is there nothing these damn politicians do that doesn't cost us money?

Under the law, voters who do not have a license can get a state-issued photo ID for free.

Drop the apathy and pick up a case of Bud

I was just listening to Denny Schaffer on WGST. He was interviewing a woman about a new website that's been set up to encourage our elected officials to build a fence along our borders. Go there and take a look. While you're there, you can donate to the effort and/or sign a petition that will be sent to the President, your Senators, and your Representatives.

While we're on the subject of illegal immigration, consider joining Bob Griggs in his mini-protest to do "Nothing Mexican on Cinco De Mayo".

This year, Cinco de Mayo will be a celebration of my hope that America will
repulse the current invasion of illegal aliens. I will not patronize my favorite
Mexican restaurant nor any other Hispanic-owned or “Mexican-themed” business on May 5 or the week thereafter. Neither will I employ the services of any company
that I know to employ illegal aliens.

On a personal note, my neighbors always go to their favorite Mexican restaurant on May 5th; they have even been known to take a 'sick' day in order to attend the fiesta. The draw? With each 2 pitchers of margaritas ordered, you get a free t-shirt. They also buy Corona and those little tiny Key Limes to continue the festivities later on their deck.

Why celebrate a fake holiday as an excuse to get drunk? Who needs excuses? I certainly don't!

Say 'Thank You!' to the 48th!

It's been a VERY long year for the 48th Brigade and they are finally coming home!

What a perfect opportunity for those of us who were here, safe at home with our families, to say 'Welcome home!'.

If a soldier is taking his wife and kids out to celebrate, pick up the tab. If you can't do that, pitch in on the tab or buy the dessert and leave the tip.

If you know of a family in your neighborhood who will be welcoming home their loved one, send them over a case of beer and a bag of groceries that contain some nice, thick steaks and all the fixin's.

Put a 'Welcome Home!' sign in your front yard.

Well, you get the idea. Let's all stand up and acknowledge their (family's) sacrifice by showing our appreciation by giving just a little of ourselves.

Believe me, it'll feel REAL GOOD!

Wake up and smell the C-4!

I was just reading this article that discusses Israel's options with regard to the recent bombings. There are a couple of statements in there that, to me, smack of media bias against Israel or just plain stupidity.

Here -

Hamas, which has carried out scores of suicide bombings since the early 1990s, has largely observed a truce since last year but refuses to renounce violence and recognize Israel's right to exist.

And here -

The attack was the deadliest since an Aug. 31, 2004, double suicide bombing on two buses in the southern city of Beersheba killed 16 people.

You have just GOT to be shittin' me! Do they really think that any person with half a brain doesn't know any better? Perhaps the media finds it convenient to differentiate one terrorist organization from another but I doubt very seriously that WHO is doing the bombing makes much difference to their Israeli victims!!!

Look here and here and decide for yourself if you think that any option, other than the full-out carpet bombing of 'Palestine' is really going to put an end to this bullshit. Diplomacy and hundreds of millions of dollars in 'aide' have only made matters worse in the region.

It's time for the US to get the hell out of their way so that Israel can loose the hounds!

Will the REAL dad, please stand up......

This is gonna be a good one so sit back and relax..........................

#2 & #3 came home from school today. #3 tells me that she heard that #2's boyfriend is pressuring her to have sex and that it's all around the school.

Unfortunately, she tells me this in front of #2 who is not only embarrassed but pissed to the max that her sister is into her business - again - and #2 runs out of the house to go to friend's!

Ok - my first thought is to call her piece of shit boyfriend and tell him that if he even THINKS about trying to talk her into something she's not ready for or attempts to lay a hand on her, he's getting his ass kicked by me and charges WILL be pressed!

Then I think about calling his mother and having HER tell him that. Then I go into all the scenarios of what would happen if I got involved in this situation that isn't yet a situation. Will I make it worse? Will I force it to happen? I mean, so far it's sort of good news, right? My daughter IS saying no!

I decide to wait until I can talk to #2 when she's calmed down and find out what's been going on.

In the mean time, I think that if anyone should call either the boyfriend or his parents, it should be husband. That's what fathers are for, right?

I finally get to talk to #2 and find out that no, he has NOT been pressuring her and that if he was, she would break up with him. I have no reason not to believe her because she is VERY determined with her goals and is not put off by peer pressure when it come to anything! She is the least impressionable person I know.

We talk about the situation for a while and she makes a few phone calls and finds out it's an ex-girlfriend of boyfriend who's started these rumors. I'm feeling the weight being lifted from my shoulders. Also, I find out that the reason she reacted the way she did was because #3 just blurted it out (in front of me!) with no warning and in a way that made it sound like a joke. I can't blame her there and I had a MAJOR talk with #3 about her 'technique'.

After all this had gone down, and the facts were straight, husband comes home from work and I have a chance to talk with him. Without going into any of the details, I simply ask, 'What would you DO if you found out that #2's boyfriend was pressuring her to have sex with him?' He says, 'Well, I would say he has a lot of nerve....' and I cut him off and said, 'No. I said what would you DO?'

He sits for a minute, like he's thinking, and then says, 'Hmm...I don't really know.'

Say what?????? You've just been asked to (hypothetically) outline your plan to deal with the low-life, sex-pushing boyfriend of your 16 yr old daughter and you don't know? Where's the visceral reaction any red-blooded, protective, father is expected to have? Not from this guy, nope. Nothing fazes him!

Was I surprised? Was his reaction confusing to me? Nope. Not one bit. I had expected it.

That's why I had asked my neighbor earlier if he would be willing to pretend to be #2's father in case a phone call was warranted and he was more than happy to do the job. Eager almost. Since his daughter is well into her 20's, he hasn't had the chance to bitch-slap some wandering-handed little punk in quite some time. It would make him feel young again defending a maiden's honor.

He's one hell of a guy.

The real father in this situation? Not so much.

Kind of makes you sad, don't it?

The reality of food

I've been watching Top Chief and The Next Food Network Star.

Top Chief....hmm....I like it but I'm not at all sure if it's because I'm making myself like it. I love the concept of it - well trained, uber-personality cooks doing all sorts of quirky competitions, but there is something too 'Apprentice' about it. Too much drama and not enough substance. I would like to see them actually cooking! Plus, the mono-tone of Billy Joel's wife, can't remember her name, sorry, is driving me nuts! Blech - show some personality, woman!

Tiffani - waaaay too competative.
Stephen - what an egotistical ass!
Liann (don't know if she spells it that way) - totally LOVE her.
Dave and Miguel - love them personally but don't think they'll get much further.
Harold - nice guy, great cook, but not much personality in my opinion.

My vote goes to Liann.

I loved last season's TNFNS and I think this season is even better. The personalities are awesome and they are genuine people! Well, Nathan was a little weird for me - just couldn't get a handle on him. I'm also very glad that Yvette is gone because even though I've never used nor eaten (as far as I know) sofritto - I'm totally sick of it! And if Carissa said 'well, I gotta tell ya' one more time, I gotta tell ya, my head would explode!

My favorites from the start were Reggie and Guy - emphasis on Guy. He's cute, he's smart, he's a family guy, and he can cook. What's not to love? I would marry him in a heartbeat! Reggie is just so sweet and lovable but he's a bit scattered, way too 'sassy', and talks about 'these girls' far too much for my taste.

My vote has been cast for Guy.

No good deed goes unpunished

As everyone is well aware, today is Easter. Since my kids are beyond the egg hunt stage, my focus for this day has become food. There was always the food but now it's all I really have to worry with.

Husband was to be off Fri, Sat, and today. However, there was a problem and they called him into work, 4pm to midnight, yesterday and said for him to plan on working Sunday, too. Ok, now I had to get things with the food going so that he could eat before leaving for work.

I went ahead and made the potato salad yesterday so all the flavors would have time to marry. Got up early this morning to do the ham (I like to eat mine warm).

Husband gets up at 12:30, has his cup of tea, and then gets on the computer.

I'm in the kitchen working on the deviled eggs, relish tray, and green beans.

He says that he's going to the neighbors to get some cinder block neighbor no longer needs.

Sounds ok to me because I'm just trying to make sure the food is ready so that he doesn't have to eat and then immediately leave for work.

I'm nearly done when he comes back and by this time it's around 2pm and he should be leaving in an hour and a half for his across town drive.

I feel pretty good for having done a great job getting everything ready with plenty of time for him to relax after eating. Whew!

'Oh', he says. 'I'm not going to have to work today.'

Now, maybe it's just me but that seems to be some important information he's kept to himself! I'm running around, trying to make sure that I get everything done so that he can be included in the Easter dinner, and he can't bother to think to himself 'Hmm...maybe I should tell wife that plans have changed so that she can relax a bit on her dinner prep.'

I'm not totally pissed but I am disappointed that, once again, he's not given a thought to anyone besides himself.

I decide to go ahead and put everything on the table and told everyone that since it's done, we can either eat it now or later if they would rather wait. I'm ready to eat since I had forgone lunch in order to eat an early dinner with him. #2 had been sitting at the table waiting for the all clear to dive in and husband looks at the food and says, 'I'm going back across the street to get the rest of the blocks.'

I thought we were going to have a family dinner together! What the hell was I thinking???

He had no comment on how the food looked or smelled, no comment on a good job well done, no indication that he even cares to eat with the family.

Well, happy freakin' Easter to you, too, asshole!

It's been 2 hours since he left. Should I go ahead and put the food in the fridge?

The Law of Unintended Consequences

Or - for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Ok, you idiots in the Senate - take note -

Please, please, please, just enforce the laws we already have and stop pandering for votes!

I dare every voter to cast their ballot for the challenger in the next election.

Nay! I triple-dog-dare you!!!

To RV or not to RV - that is the question

A friend mentioned to me that husband found it curious that I wasn't more excited about the money-hungry gift of the RV.

That got me to thinking - why wasn't I excited about it?

I know it's more than my despise of his parents. Although, I do think, in the back of my mind somewhere, that has a lot to do with it. Something along the lines of 'you've never done anything remotely generous for him (us) why this and why now?'

So, the more I thought about it, the deeper into my head I got. Then the real question finally dawnes on me - why is it, exactly, that HE is so excited about it?

Yeah, on the surface it seems like that question should have an easy answer - until you understand how husband relates to us, his family.

Being on a trip in an RV requires being in close and continuous contact with your travel companions. Husband doesn't even like that scenario when he's home so why would he think that doing that in a freight container on wheels would be more to his liking?

Husband works every-other weekend on a 2 on, 3 off schedule which means that he's home during the week 3 days. The 3 weekdays he's home, I'm home, and #2 & #3 are at school. In a perfect world, that would mean that we would have all the time in the world to talk about things, find solutions to ongoing problems - with us and with our house/finances - and/or to rekindle the spark that seems to have slowly died out during the past 22 yrs.

Unfortunately, all that time alone together has accomplished nothing except to breed contempt. Despite my countless attempts to gather him into the fold of family togetherness and efforts to make him understand that being a husband and father is far more than bringing home a paycheck, he resists at every turn to actually communicate with any of us.

He has no interest except HIS interests and they rarely involve any of us. He's a solitary creature and no efforts to mold him into anything else have been anywhere close to successful.

I find that his days spent lying on the couch, watching programs that hold no interest for anyone but him, and his ignorance of the daily goings-on, to be the equivalent of him thumbing his nose at me. In effect, saying ' Look at me, lying here, ignoring you all. I am not interested in any of you and I will always refuse to acknowledge you. You will NOT make me do anything that I don't want to do and my behavior shall be a constant reminder to you of that fact!'

So, back to his expectations that I should be more excited at the prospect of spending more time, in much closer proximity to him in a traveling tin can - my response is as follows...

Go screw yourself you clueless fucktard!

MR. PRESIDENT, I'M HEADED TO MEXICO

A friend sent this forward to me and though I normally delete every forward that comes my way, I thought this one was worth passing along.

I sure wish someone we've elected could come up with a solution to this problem that doesn't involve rewarding those who break the law or that would increase the tax burden of actual American citizens.

Ok, here it is -

Dear President Bush:

I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the US into Mexico and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here.

So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Vicente Fox, that I'm on my way over? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following:

1. Free medical care for my entire family.

2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not.

3. All government forms need to be printed in English.

4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers.

5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history.

6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down.

7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch.

8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services.

9. I do not plan to have any car insurance and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws.

10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Fox to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English.

11. I plan to fly the US flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals.

12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws.

13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me or about the strain I might place on the economy.

I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the US from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Fox won't mind returning the favor if you ask himnicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with your VP.

Thank you so much for your kind help.

Spring Cleaning

There are a few things that I need to gripe about so that I can make room for more stuff to gripe about. My version of Spring cleaning.

Still can't buy beer here on Sundays. Totally pisses me off.

Planted some new plants and repotted others only to have the storm from hell last nite so I had to bring them inside to keep them from floating away. Total pisser.

The only stray/rescue cat we have left that hasn't been fixed (they keep canceling the appointment!) keeps spraying the mini-van tires and my vehicle smells like a litter box! Blech....

The dog threw up on the mini-van seat at some point this week and I just noticed it today. How much does it cost to have someone detail a van anyway? There's too much nastiness in that thing and I don't think I have the stomach to clean it myself. :(

After 3 yrs of the bathroom drain leaking down onto my drop ceiling - in my downstairs bedroom! - husband's response to 'when do you think you'll get around to fixing it?' is still - 'I don't know'. Guess having a slowly rotting house is something that only concerns me! I don't even want to talk about the mold issues.....

Some-time friend, bitch neighbor still hasn't seen my new stove despite the fact that she came over to bring me the key to her gate so that I could feed the dog she stole. She couldn't be bothered to come in and would only talk to me on the porch.

The self-adhesive tiles we put on the living room floor are coming loose around the edges and have a tendency to snag and put holes in socks. Not to mention the fact that it's nearly impossible to sweep and/or mop because all the dirt, dust, and animal hair gets trapped in between.

I bought, on clearance from Lowe's about 5 years ago, 6 boxes of hardwood flooring - the real thing - not that laminate stuff - so that we could replace the afore mentioned faux tile floor and they've never been opened. They're sitting next to the $300 special order window for my kitchen. I bought that 4 yrs ago.

#1 is still stirring shit to smell the stink. I'm totally over that child until she grows up. She's on her own from now on. Considering that she's 26 yrs old and living in the South Pacific, she can call someone besides me when she needs something. I got nothing for her. Oh, I've got an idea - she can call her dad!

Despite husband replacing my brake pads about 6 months ago, my brakes are squealing like crazy, I have this ominous scrubbing/rubbing noise when I turn with my brakes applied, and my ABS light is constantly on. According to husband, though, there's nothing wrong.

The truck we bought for #2 & #3 to fix and drive has been sitting for a year. No calls have been placed by husband to locate a transmission. I'm giving it another month and I'm donating the POS to a charity that WILL fix it!

My friendly neighborhood ceramic shop closed up at the end of last year due to a tenant/landlord dispute and it turns out it won't be reopening. Therefore I have no place to take my pottery for firing. This one really gets under my skin b/c doing pottery is the one thing that I enjoy doing. What do you reckon I should do with all that clay and all those glazes? Husband says I can't have my own kiln because the breaker box is full. You know anyone in the market for a potters wheel?

I've got more stuff to bitch about but I'm making myself sick. I just can't even think about this stuff any more. Maybe I'll do some more cleaning on another day.

**Update**

I cannot believe that I forgot to mention this - the fact that I'm missing half the side of my house! Why, you ask, are you missing half the side of your house? Many reasons but mostly - lack of motivation.

It started with the replacement of a door with a window. When #1 was still living at home and was old enough, we moved her to the basement bedroom to show that we understood the fact that she was growing up and deserved her privacy. However, there was a door to the outside that despite being dead-bolted, was a source of concern for her. 'Someone could get in in the middle of the night!' Well, replacing it with a window really didn't make things better but she felt that it did so we did it.

Ok, I'm getting to the point!

When husband replaced the door with the window, he also had to add cedar siding to the newly closed up area. He had the siding flush with the ground. I voiced my reservations citing concerns over termites. No, he assured me, that wouldn't be a problem.

Well, last summer, after finally cleaning up an area adjacant to the window where he had piled a bunch of crap over the last 8 yrs, he discovered...what?...termites!

In the process of removing the bottom boards, we discovered that the termites had moved up and out from their initial point of entry resulting in the removal of half the boards from that side of the house.

We replaced the infected wood, treated the area for termites, prepped the area for stucco (to foil any future attempts by the obnoxious insects to return) and there it sits, as it has sat for over 8 months - nothing but an exposed area of metal lathe.

I have not questioned him on a timetable for finishing the repairs and he has not acknowledged to me that he's even remotely aware of the need to finish them.

Oh, well - who needs siding on a house anyway, right? It's all probably over-rated.

How many beers does it take to get through a storm?

Sounds like we're in for an interesting morning; all the way up to 5 am. Husband has to work tomorrow and generally gets on the road no later than 6 am. If the storms here behave like they have in TN and KY, we might have a few trees taken down for free.

Yeah, trees are the least of my worries but I'm trying to be cautiously optimistic here!

#2 & #3 are both at friend's - trying to extract the last bit of fun from their Spring break. I've told them both of the impending weather and, with any luck, they are prepared for the tornado sirens that could be going off in a matter of hours.

It's hard to sleep when your children are in another's care. Doubly so when all hell is about to break loose!

Think I'll have myself another beer and loose another game of online backgammon.

I can always take a nap tomorrow.

Sometimes - it just all works out

Not so much blog time this week b/c #2 & #3 are out for Spring break.

Got my tooth taken care of last week and it really wasn't so bad. I had myself so worked up from the horror stories I'd heard that I threw up before I left for my appointment. I was ok when I got there considering that the trip took 1 1/2 hours! I just HATE the traffic in this city!

I did learn something extremely valuable, though, from my experience with this root canal. All that crap husband has been feeding me about needing at least 2 days off from work and tons o' meds - sooooo not true and from here on out, he'll get NO sympathy from me! He's such a pansy-ass some times.

Husband and a family friend took down 4 trees from our yard over the weekend. Everything went by the numbers. All mailboxes, fences, and vehicles are still intact! Beautiful weather to boot.

What else? Hmmmm.........

Oh! Had a girl's day out today. Went with a friend to another friend's and we did coffee. Nothing all that special, you say? Well.....did you know that coffee snobs talk about their brew like wine? With all the specific terms and such? Neither did I but I found out a LOT about coffee today.

I even got to watch some being roasted. Ha - take that!

We tasted about 5 different kinds - don't remember their names but I do know that at least 1 was very funky and the rest were very strong. Good - but almost too coffee-y for me. I'm way too used to the grocery store stuff in the can on sale for $3.99. I'm more of a 'drinks coffee as a delivery system for caffeine' as opposed to being a connoisseur type of drinker.

If you know anything about coffee then you will probably be able to appreciate what I came home with - (these were all bought green and home-roasted by my friend)

Jamaican Blue Mtn.
Papua New Guinea Purosa Estate
Maui Peaberry
Brazil Frazenda Ipanema "Dulce"
Panama Boquete Finca Maunier

Man! It's smelling good in MY house right now!

What else....

Oh, also got a 'new' grill from coffee friend. She said that her husband just didn't want to fool with it anymore and that I should take it if I wanted it. Well, considering that my grill is in worse shape than my stove was - I said "Let's load that puppy up!" Took a bit of doing but the 3 of us managed to squeeze it into the mini-van and close the hatch.

Got it home, lit it up, and it's totally awesome! It even has the side burner I've always wanted.

Guess it does pay to get out of the house every once in a while.