What's the beef with fish?

Grocery shopping day. Hmmm.....what to make for dinner?

Fish sounded good. We haven't had that in a while. I love all kinds of fish but my favorite is catfish. I know it's a bottom feeder and that it's verboten by some religions but I find it extremely yummy and sweet-tasting. I honestly could eat it until I made myself sick.

However, I don't buy it or cook it. I only eat it when out. I used to buy it and cook it but the last time I did, husband declared, "I HATE catfish!". I think I may have blogged about that incident but I don't feel like trying to find it right now.

Husband also doesn't like salmon - which, of course, I love. I only buy that for myself and sometimes # 3. Her likes and dislikes change from day to day.

The only fish that husband will consistently eat is Talapia. I've fried it, baked it, breaded it, and not breaded it - he eats it.

Not today.

I spent $7.00 on fish and he eats the dressing I made yesterday and a cheesy, stuffed baked potato I fixed to go along with the fish.

# 3 didn't eat any fish either - potato only.

I'm now stuck with eating 3 more pieces of fish before it goes bad. It won't freeze so that's out. Damn, I hate eating the same protein 3 days in a row!!!!

For the weekly snacker, I made 20 ( a whole package worth of wrappers) vegetarian egg rolls. # 2 ate 2 of them along with 2 of the potatoes.

Why the hell did I buy fish?

Murderous Rage - The Islamic status quo

This post at Wuzzadem inspired many commentors to list their own examples - I thought of a few of my own...

Italian nuns helping mothers and children in Somalia - Murderous Rage

Jewish women going to work in Seattle - Murderous Rage

Students milling around on a college campus - Murderous Rage

Women refusing to submit to an arranged marriage, demanding a divorce, flirting with or receiving phone calls from men, failing to serve a meal on time, or -- grotesquely -- "allowing herself" to be raped - Murderous Rage

Now, this hasn't happened YET but........

Bilal & Sa'eed first eliminated from The Amazing Race - Murderous Rage

Our trip in pics

Our overnighter went pretty well. The weather was beautiful and all personalities meshed without too much drama. I think it was a success.

I don't have much to say so I'll post some pics taken by # 2 to document the trip -


Surprisingly, we didn't have to get out and push the rv.


Hidden treasure found in the hollow of a tree.


We all did a little rock stacking - here's husband's contribution.


Off-kilter mushroom.

Ok, that's it

Overnighter

In keeping with his promise (to himself) to never let me in on his plans, husband planned his Saturday without a word to me. It seems that his cave group is putting together the incredibly large pile of logs they will be setting on fire for their gathering in October. He's signed on to help with a chainsaw. He contacted another caving friend to see if he wanted to go as well. The friend could not go as he had prior plans to take his mother out to dinner for her birthday.

I find out about all of this at 10:30pm last night.

Perhaps out of guilt or as a way to smooth it over with me, he lets me in on his plans and then asks if *I* would like to go. Now, I'm not a caver and I don't cut up shit with a chainsaw but I do so enjoy calling his bluff when it's obvious the answer he's looking for is no.

Not only did I say yes but I also talked # 2 into going as well. # 3 already has weekend plans. I also talked him into taking the rv - hell, if we're gonna have the damn thing the least we can do is use it from time to time!

Plus it's nice to know that STFBN will just HATE knowing that we're off, in the rv, enjoying ourselves. Yeah, that's bitchy of me but fuck it. She's an ass and a little nose-thumbing on my part is a well-deserved bit of satisfaction.

# 2 absolutely hates the rv. She's only even stepped foot into it twice. It's not the thing itself that she hates so much as it is her issues with her father's over the top fascination with the thing to the exclusion of all else.

The weather this week with its cool breezes and low humidity have put me in the mood to get out and enjoy the season's change. I just love the feel, the smell, and the colors of Fall. It's such a nice reprieve from the stifling heat and humidity of the Summer.

I think a change of venue, even for a short while, might be just what the doctor ordered. Perhaps I'll come home invigorated. Hey! It's possible!

Getting in touch

Despite the day's rough start, it turned out to be ok. Not great but ok.

There were no more issues with # 3. Thank goodness!

P never showed up to get the canopy but that's ok. She's got back to back shows and is working on her inventory. Plus she wants to borrow my light-weight folding table. No biggie. At least with her I know I'll get my stuff back instead of having to beg for years like with STFBN!

I talked to my mom and, through her, wished my dad a happy birthday. His big day was Monday - the 11th. Uggg....

Brother never returned my call in answer to the message he left for me to call. Mom said she hadn't talked to him so I'm not sure what he wanted and I'm pretty much over worrying with it. He knows where to find me.

Talked to # 1 for about 5 minutes in between her phone going in and out of signal. Told her that I had received a letter from my long, lost niece and that she wanted to get back into contact with # 1. I just didn't know whether to forward the letter to # 1 or email her the info. She opted for email. Done.

I also got back in touch with the lady who owned the local ceramic shop here and found that she was doing well despite having minor heart surgery over the summer. Seems that this summer sucked for quite a few folks! She's recovered well enough over the past couple of months that she and her husband have revamped their sun room and will have it set up as a work area for a few choice customers here in the next few weeks. Oh, I just can't wait! I've been so cooped up that everything in me is screaming to get out!

I have 2 bowls that have been glazed and need a final firing, a bisque bowl that I need to glaze, and a green bowl that needs to be bisque fired. That will give me a few to add to my dust-collecting collection. At least, now that I know that I can have access to a kiln again, I can whip out my clay and attempt to make something. I haven't touched the stuff since June so who knows......

What else.....

Oh! I took a gander at the rv to see if things inside were doing well and to see if husband had any diet cokes hidden in there ( he does shit like that - go figure). Sure enough, even though there were no diet cokes, there was a case of beer...in the cabinet...in the very back. It seems to have been there for a while so what I'm wondering is this - why did he go to the store for the purpose of buying beer 2 days ago when we already had some? Hmmm..... I doubt that a legion of shrinks and years of therapy could figure out why he does that sort of thing. Well, maybe THEY could but I'm having a hard time understanding why a man who's nearly 50 years old still has 'MINE!' issues. Waaaaaaaaa...... Poor baby.

Last thing - my neighbor's are having a bumper crop of prickly pears. Think they would notice if, one day, they were all gone? Jams and jellies are not my thing but at $5.00 a pint, I could give it a go.

Wednesday

Well, it's another week off to a rip-roaring start. After my funk yesterday, I woke up to rain. Normally, I love rain - when I don't have to get out in it. I wear glasses. Wet and foggy glasses don't do much to help with the driving experience, kwim?

I hadn't planned on going anywhere today. P is supposed to come over at some point today to borrow my shelter for her upcoming craft show but other than that - no plans - except for drinking lots of coffee, waiting for my brother to return my return phone call to him from yesterday, and perhaps paying some bills.

# 3 called me from school this morning at 8:30 to let me know that she had been 'got' by the dress code police and would I please bring her a new pair of jeans so that she didn't have to waste the entire day sitting in the office doing absolutely nothing.

Got to love the logic behind the way schools do things these days! Sorry, but you have a hole in your pants so NO EDUCATION FOR YOU TODAY, young lady! Aren't we all so silly for thinking they were there to LEARN? As Dr. Phil would say - "What the hell were you thinking?"

In the school's defence, albeit a weak defence, # 3 was in violation of the dress code and knew better. Yesterday's jeans were even worse so I guess she figured her good luck in not getting 'got' would carry over to today. Nah. Her luck ran out and I, of course, had to be inconvenienced by her nose-thumbing of the rules.

Days like today make me miss my days of home-schooling. That is until I hit myself upside the head while quoting Dr. Phil.

Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others. ~Jacob M. Braude

I've been in a funk for most of the day.

When the girls came home from school, my mood lightened a bit because I could think about other things. Prior to that, though, I replayed in my mind the conversation I had with my friend last night.

It took me all day, and several hours into the evening, to grasp the source of my mood. The title quote says it all.

I did my very best to tell my friend not to give up. Not to fail; to try his best to not repeat past failures. I gave it to him hard, too. I was relentless in my begging him to keep on trying, to fight with everything he had, to find the fire within himself and to never give up.

God, I'm such an ass. And a huge hypocrite. I'm slime.

What right do I have to give anyone advice about not giving up? What do I know about fighting for goals and then seeing them to fruition? None. I have no right whatsoever.

I gave up on mine long ago.

I don't remember the year, the day, or the exact moment but I do remember deciding to let it all go.

I was battle weary from years of thinking that if I wanted something badly enough, I would get it! For years I fought the good fight and did everything the way I was supposed to to no avail. How could I have known that no matter how much I wanted something that my hopes could be endlessly dashed upon the rocks and eroded year after year?

I remember someone saying to me, 'If you don't care anymore, you won't hurt anymore.' I took those words to heart. Not because I didn't care any more but because I was tired of hurting. Tired of caring for seemingly no reason.

Now, after talking with my friend last night, I don't know if I took the easy way out or if I did the smart thing and accepted the inevitable.

I told him that his acceptance wasn't inevitable; that he should keep trying no matter how hard that trying was for him.

Perhaps I was attempting to impart to him my wisdom from the lesson I had learned?

That giving up doesn't feel quite as good as you'd hoped it would.

“There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure.”

With age comes wisdom, right?

I've learned a LOT of valuable lessons in the past several months; lessons that can only be learned in their own time. Lessons that no one can teach you; experiences you must go through in order to glean meaning from them.

I spoke with a very dear friend of mine tonight. He's going through one of those times right now.

Winston Churchill was a very bright fellow with some of the most amazing quotes.

My friend is taking to heart this Churchill quote -

Courage is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.

But I'm encouraging him to take heart in this one -

The price of greatness is responsibility.

I can only wish him well and let him know that, regardless of his decisions, he's loved.

*title quote by Colin Powell

September 11, 2001

NEVER FORGET

This may take a while to load so get your tissues ready while you wait.

The world remembers 9/11

Pittsburgh Tribune-Review Pittsburgh, Pa.

It's hard to tell from this but the picutre is made up of individual faces of 9/11 victims. What an amazing tribute.

Click here to see 509 front pages from 49 countries presented alphabetically.

The nerve of some people!

Oh, this is rich!

STFBN called today. As the weekends usually go, I don't have control over the phone - that's left up to # 2 and to a much greater extent, # 3.

# 2 told me that STFBN had called but didn't leave a message. She figured that # 3 had picked up the phone.

Ok, I had no desire to talk to her and very little interest as to why she called but you know how curiosity killed the cat! So I asked.

Sure enough, # 3 got the call.

After telling me just how stupid STFBN was, she proceeded to tell me why she had called.

Well, it wasn't to talk to me! Color me shocked - yeah right.

It seems that she spotted the neighbor's dog running loose with another dog. Now, this neighbor lives directly across the street from me and right next door to her! However, since these neighbors don't wave to STFBN when entering and exiting the neighborhood, she won't have anything to do with them.

No kidding.

She tells # 3 that she and # 2 need to get the dogs and tell neighbor that their dog is getting out.

Um....say what???

# 3 tells her that she's closer than we are to which STFBN replies, 'But you know them. It would be easier if you (we) did it.'

# 3 then proceeds to say, 'Um, yeah. I'll get right on that.' And then hangs up with no intention whatsoever of doing a damn thing!

That's my girl!

Personally, I think that STFBN should get the dog herself, hold it captive in her back yard, over-feed it, and then have it cremated when it dies.

Well, it wouldn't be the first time!

Tiredness and frustration

I am so tired this week! Having # 1 come visit always wears me out - not just the cooking and the baking that's required of me when she visits - but also the mental and emotional stress of it all.

I would love to just be able to talk to her but she won't let me. It's all just cursory conversation with me having to be VERY careful of what I say and how I say it. Guess I'm not a very diplomatic speaker and I really just don't like hemming and hawing. I much prefer getting to a point and then a solution. Forget the dumb shit as the saying goes.

Why is it that no one likes that approach to life? Well, I'm sure there are others out there who are like me but we're just not crossing paths. I would love to meet them!

Another thing that's dragging me down - actually it's the same thing but with a different person. Husband.

I so dearly want to talk to him about the future. We desperately need a plan. Living in limbo everyday with no plan, just ignoring the problems and not taking steps to correct them, sucks the life right out of me.

However, as soon as I open my mouth - he shuts down. Doesn't want to think. Doesn't want to discuss. Doesn't want to fix.

I know he's as unhappy as I am but he must prefer unhappiness because he won't do a damn thing to change it into happiness. I don't get it. I'm frustrated and scared.

What scares me most is that time will whittle away the years we have left and when he finally does decide that something should be done, we won't have the health or the energy or any sort of ability to enjoy a life that's been fixed.

If we fixed things now, we would have many years left to be happy with each other. 20 years goes by in a flash and wasting them on a daily basis seems such a poor plan.

I've run out of ideas. There isn't much that I haven't tried over the years to engage him. Talking - not talking. Sex and lots of it - no sex. Quite room in the house - out of the way table at our favorite watering hole. Alcohol - no alcohol. Stroking his ego - screaming at him. Hell, I even tried to bribe him with the promise of a riding lawnmower for his birthday if he would just DO something! He declined. Not verbally but by his lack of action.

He must think that things will take care of themselves. That things will all work out. I know they won't but he won't listen.

Leaving on a jet plane

I finally made it to my friend's house with # 1. We were also able to finally look at the pics # 1 had on CD which turned out to be a DVD and neither of my computers could read. Friend's husband works for HP so of course he made a copy for me that I can now use and share. Do that many people have a DVD player on their computer? I'm so far behind the times that I'm still using Win98!

Anyway, # 1 ended up buying about 8 pairs of earrings from friend - here after known as P - which, of course, made her week!

Luckily there was no drama this visit and the airport drop off was warm instead of the usual - OMG I'm glad it's over!!! Unfortunately, they changed the signs at the airport and I ended up on the wrong road, had to turn around, and the hour drive ended up to be an hour and a half drive. Both my bladder and I were glad to be home!

Here's a pic that # 1 took in Iceland

Just STFU - you don't matter, anyway!

I knew it would happen but as with other visits by # 1, I just never know when it will happen. Initially, I thought that it took longer for things to go to crap on this visit than previous ones but, in retrospect, it was just more subtle.

I always make # 1 pumpkin bread because it's her favorite and she requests it. I did that. However, when husband took his check to the bank, he also stopped at the store where he picked up oatmeal raisin cookies and strawberry cheesecake. I could have saved myself the time and trouble of going out of my way to bake because it's been totally ignored by everyone. As he usually does when HE actually does something, he goes on and on with 'Isn't that good?' 'I did good, didn't I?' and everyone is expected to rain praise upon him. I could have bought something from the store and all I would get would be 'Dang, Mom! I thought you were going to MAKE something!' Guess I'm screwed either way.

His subtle undermining my efforts while # 1 is home is something I don't really understand. Maybe b/c he's the step-dad he feels the need to compete? What the hell does he care, really? It's not like he actually gives a shit. I think it's more of an attempt to cut me down in her eyes. Am I making too much of it? You be the judge after reading the rest.

Husband gets off the couch long enough to sit at the table and eat dinner - during which he adds nothing to the conversation. He just sits and eats and then gets up with a decidedly unenthusiastic 'That was good.' and returns to the couch.

# 2 & # 3 leave with friends and # 1 wants to play some games. I said fine but that it would just be the 2 of us playing because husband won't play anything. Sure enough, he slept on the couch the rest of the evening. I make an offhand remark about that being all he does and am told by # 1 'Well, that's ok.'

Later, # 1 and I have a few beers to relax and catch up on what's been going on. I mention my frustration over his total immersion with the rv and his lack of concern over any of the repairs that have been screaming to be done to the house. Here's what I get - 'Dang, Mom! Why do you have to be so mean?'

We end up in the basement to listen to some music - husband is still sleeping on the couch and it's hours later by now - and she comments on all the spiders and bugs in the basement. I tell her that it's because we still don't have the stucco done on the outside and that the house is pretty much open to anything that wants to come in. I attempt, again, to express my frustration at husband's lack of responsibility when it comes to keeping the house in what would be considered by most people the minimum required state of repair. Again I'm asked, 'Why do I complain so much and why don't I say something to him?' like I hadn't EVER thought of that! I'm tired of saying something to him because I get the same response from him that I do from her!

So, for whatever reason, in her eyes, I'm not allowed to be upset, state my opinion, or even express my frustration about anything having to do with husband. There were more examples, subtle but telling me in so many words to STFU about it all. So, I did in an attempt to extract at least some enjoyment from her visit.

I kept telling myself that Monday would be a good day because we are going to see my friend and she and # 1 will get to meet each other. It's always so much easier to speak of someone that you've met as opposed to someone you haven't. KWIM? Plus, despite her disregard for MY feelings, I'm still very proud of her and her accomplishments and want to share her with my friend. I also love my friend so much that I want to share HER with my daughter. That's not too much to ask, is it?

Well, we were supposed to have the whole day to work out our plan but she called from her grand-mother's last night to say that she won't be home tonight (last night) like she promised but instead will be home today sometime around 2 or 3pm. Which, of course, leaves me and friend hanging for the better part of the day and unable to make plans. I really can't plan to be there at 4pm unless I know that she will definitely be home when she says she will be which isn't usually the case as illustrated here. Then I find out from # 3 that she and # 1 have plans to go out and shoot pool (we have a table in the basement) at some point which tells me that my plans with friend had better not take too damn long!

I see this as another disrespect heaped upon me. Who cares about my plans or my time or what my friend might have planned for today - a holiday - with her family?

God, I'm so tired. Even though it's before noon, I just want to hide in my room and get drunk. Forget everything and everyone.

Unsubscribe your way to a better life

In keeping with my resolve to rid myself of people who bring me down, I've left the group I started over 3 years ago. The group was composed of women I'd met during a class for Paint Shop Pro.

Our group has been through the death of 2 of our members, health issues, marital issues, deaths in the family, and everything in between.

Until a few months ago, we were very tight and thought we'd be together for the rest of our lives. I've blogged about this before so I won't go into more detail about when that changed or why.

2 days ago a member wanted to know where everyone was and did we even have a group any more? Well, over 1/2 the membership had posted during the week and the others had previously posted that they were busy with household projects (one member is selling a house and building another) and another member was away on vacation. Another member owns her own business and is always very tied up with her work.

Needless to say, the only reason for that particular member to even post something like that was to make everyone feel badly for not responding to her as quickly as she wanted them to respond. She's a very selfish person and is always looking for sympathy. I've overlooked her proclivity to whine, for the most part, but this last instance to make others feel guilty for not paying her any attention was all I could handle.

She's also been sharing information with 1 of the members who left the group some months back and she makes no attempts to hide her cc'd posts.

Well, I said something to her about her post and the fact that most everyone had checked in during the week. As she usually does, she became overly defensive saying that she didn't appreciate my sarcasm and that she must have spoken out of turn and she guesses she should just leave the group.

That's about the umpteenth time she's threatened to leave so I told her to stay and that I would leave. And I did.

I'm over her - the uber-drama queen - and her constant threats and whines that nobody likes her.

I'll stay in touch with those whom I truly consider my friends and she can go screw herself!

Now, I'm down to only 1 person who, on a daily basis, makes me feel like shit. However, 24 yrs of marriage is hard to unsubscribe from. If only it were that easy.

August Porker of the Month

Washington, D.C. - Citizens Against Government Waste (CAGW) today named Rep. Charles Taylor (R-N.C.) Porker of the Month for burnishing his credentials as an unabashed champion of pork-barrel spending.

As House Interior Appropriations Subcommittee Chairman, Rep. Taylor shows no shame when it comes to flaunting pork. He was even invited to attend an exclusive reception in Asheville, N.C., for the infamous Sparta Teapot Museum. CAGW gave the museum the “Tempest in a Teapot” Oinker Award in its 2006 Congressional Pig Book for the $500,000 earmark it received in the fiscal 2006 Transportation/Treasury/Housing and Urban Development Appropriations Act.

Rep. Taylor has not been shy about his appetite for pork. In a May 2006 letter to the Asheville Citizen-Times, Taylor’s chief of staff, Sean Dalton, proudly compared his boss to Sens. Robert Byrd (D-W.Va.) and Ted Stevens (R-Alaska), two of the biggest porkers in Congress (The Hill, 7/26/2006). Sen. Byrd has embraced his title of “King of Pork,” while Sen. Stevens is well-known for defending the “Bridge to Nowhere.” Anyone who puts Sens. Byrd and Stevens on a pedestal is oblivious to the dire budget realities facing the government.

Read more here.

General housekeeping

I haven't posted much lately about what's going on with me personally. Thought I would try to put everything in a general post and hope it makes some sort of sense.

I'm still on the road to recovery. I can do more things but I have to be very careful not to do too many things all in one block of time. That mistake was made last week when I did the entire kitchen by myself and totally forgot my mind and squatted down and then reached into the very back of the bottom cabinet. I was putting away some heavy pots and then could barely stand afterwards. I could also feel my back tensing but I managed to finish the job and then spent the next 4 hours on my bed with my heating pad and not moving!

A few days later, # 3 and I went to a local coffee shop to listen to a couple of her friends play guitar and sing. They did really well and I always have the highest respect for anyone who can get up in front of others and put themselves 'out there'. We only stayed about an hour and a half and just a little less than half that time I had to stand. The chairs are those heavy wooden kind with no cushions and a VERY straight back! I did, however, manage to finish my large houseblend coffee and extremely yummy piece of hummingbird cake. :)

*********************

# 3 has joined JROTC and their Raiders group. They do rescue drills and the obstacle course and then compete with other teams around the state. She needed a physical for this so we did that this past Wednesday. The good news is that she's healthy and proportionate for her height and weight. Unfortunately, she wasn't thrilled with the idea that she'd be 5'0 for the rest of her life. Yeah, she's a shrimp but doesn't nearly everyone love shrimp? She also had to get a tetanus booster which nearly had her in hysterics. The nurse was good and things ended well with a nice Snoopy bandage.

*********************

The same morning as the physical, I went to a friend's for coffee and sweets. I took some of the left over lemon pound cake that I had saved in the fridge and the hostess had made date bread. She's the same friend who buys raw coffee beans and does her own roasting and grinding. Way too much trouble for me and the results are far too strong for my tastes but yummy none the less and as a good guest, I keep quiet and add plenty of cream.

There were 4 of us there and we had a nice relaxing time just talking and laughing. Our hostess was in a particularly relaxed mood and was singing to some very odd 'opera' type music she had that was entitled The Internet is for Porn. I'm not an opera fan and I'm even less of a fan of obscure music but it was enjoyable to watch HER having so much fun.

I came away with a bottle of Marsalla wine with the hopes of making Chicken Marsalla some time in the near future. I just love that stuff!

*********************

Yesterday I went with a friend to put out flyers for an upcoming arts and crafts show. We did quite a bit of walking in our historic downtown area and met quite a few very nice people. I also discovered that we have an art school there on the main drag that has evidently been there for 5 yrs and I didn't know. When I drive, I focus on what the idiots around me are doing so I don't site-see too much. The weather was threatening for most of the day and then it finally did let loose. Unfortunately, none of the rain fell on my crinkly brown lawn. :( We worked for about 4 hours and I got some much needed exercise. Lying around for the past month and a half has really made my muscles weak - not that they weren't before but now they're super-weak. Is that an oxymoron? Super - weak - hmmm......

Well, she treated me to lunch for helping her out and I came home and made 2 loaves of pumpkin bread. One loaf to keep for # 1 who got here for a short visit this morning and one to give to friend as a thanks for lunch. They turned out pretty good but I had to use smaller pans than I usually do because the ones I really like were in the bottom cabinet in the very back and they were just going to have to stay there! So, because the pans were smaller and I'm an idiot who can't think very well any more, they overflowed. Thank goodness that I had them in a 'catch pan' so no mess in my oven. We ate the stuff that overflowed when it was all done as a quality control thing and it was heavenly. Just ugly to look at! LOL

**********************

Ok, so today I'm making meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and fried okra in honor of # 1's visit. She doesn't get to eat stuff like that in the South Pacific so at her request for dinner to NOT have any rice of any kind, that's what she chose. The loaf is already put together and waiting in the fridge to be cooked. I need to get on to the potatoes and will in just a few. # 1 is in the rv taking a nap because even though she left Thursday afternoon, with a 9 hour flight and the time change, she didn't get here until Friday morning. Dang that stuff always confuses the heck out of me!

She's leaving tomorrow for a visit with her dad and grandma in the next state over and will be back Sunday afternoon. I plan to take her to me my new best buddy, the friend who has helped me so much during my 'down time' and the one who I helped with the flyers yesterday. # 1 is totally thrilled that I have an awesome replacement for STFBN and a friend who finally makes me feel good! Well, me, too!

Got to go - taters are needing to be peeled.