Tiredness and frustration
I am so tired this week! Having # 1 come visit always wears me out - not just the cooking and the baking that's required of me when she visits - but also the mental and emotional stress of it all.
I would love to just be able to talk to her but she won't let me. It's all just cursory conversation with me having to be VERY careful of what I say and how I say it. Guess I'm not a very diplomatic speaker and I really just don't like hemming and hawing. I much prefer getting to a point and then a solution. Forget the dumb shit as the saying goes.
Why is it that no one likes that approach to life? Well, I'm sure there are others out there who are like me but we're just not crossing paths. I would love to meet them!
Another thing that's dragging me down - actually it's the same thing but with a different person. Husband.
I so dearly want to talk to him about the future. We desperately need a plan. Living in limbo everyday with no plan, just ignoring the problems and not taking steps to correct them, sucks the life right out of me.
However, as soon as I open my mouth - he shuts down. Doesn't want to think. Doesn't want to discuss. Doesn't want to fix.
I know he's as unhappy as I am but he must prefer unhappiness because he won't do a damn thing to change it into happiness. I don't get it. I'm frustrated and scared.
What scares me most is that time will whittle away the years we have left and when he finally does decide that something should be done, we won't have the health or the energy or any sort of ability to enjoy a life that's been fixed.
If we fixed things now, we would have many years left to be happy with each other. 20 years goes by in a flash and wasting them on a daily basis seems such a poor plan.
I've run out of ideas. There isn't much that I haven't tried over the years to engage him. Talking - not talking. Sex and lots of it - no sex. Quite room in the house - out of the way table at our favorite watering hole. Alcohol - no alcohol. Stroking his ego - screaming at him. Hell, I even tried to bribe him with the promise of a riding lawnmower for his birthday if he would just DO something! He declined. Not verbally but by his lack of action.
He must think that things will take care of themselves. That things will all work out. I know they won't but he won't listen.
I would love to just be able to talk to her but she won't let me. It's all just cursory conversation with me having to be VERY careful of what I say and how I say it. Guess I'm not a very diplomatic speaker and I really just don't like hemming and hawing. I much prefer getting to a point and then a solution. Forget the dumb shit as the saying goes.
Why is it that no one likes that approach to life? Well, I'm sure there are others out there who are like me but we're just not crossing paths. I would love to meet them!
Another thing that's dragging me down - actually it's the same thing but with a different person. Husband.
I so dearly want to talk to him about the future. We desperately need a plan. Living in limbo everyday with no plan, just ignoring the problems and not taking steps to correct them, sucks the life right out of me.
However, as soon as I open my mouth - he shuts down. Doesn't want to think. Doesn't want to discuss. Doesn't want to fix.
I know he's as unhappy as I am but he must prefer unhappiness because he won't do a damn thing to change it into happiness. I don't get it. I'm frustrated and scared.
What scares me most is that time will whittle away the years we have left and when he finally does decide that something should be done, we won't have the health or the energy or any sort of ability to enjoy a life that's been fixed.
If we fixed things now, we would have many years left to be happy with each other. 20 years goes by in a flash and wasting them on a daily basis seems such a poor plan.
I've run out of ideas. There isn't much that I haven't tried over the years to engage him. Talking - not talking. Sex and lots of it - no sex. Quite room in the house - out of the way table at our favorite watering hole. Alcohol - no alcohol. Stroking his ego - screaming at him. Hell, I even tried to bribe him with the promise of a riding lawnmower for his birthday if he would just DO something! He declined. Not verbally but by his lack of action.
He must think that things will take care of themselves. That things will all work out. I know they won't but he won't listen.
posted by bb at 3:33 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home