Just STFU - you don't matter, anyway!
I knew it would happen but as with other visits by # 1, I just never know when it will happen. Initially, I thought that it took longer for things to go to crap on this visit than previous ones but, in retrospect, it was just more subtle.
I always make # 1 pumpkin bread because it's her favorite and she requests it. I did that. However, when husband took his check to the bank, he also stopped at the store where he picked up oatmeal raisin cookies and strawberry cheesecake. I could have saved myself the time and trouble of going out of my way to bake because it's been totally ignored by everyone. As he usually does when HE actually does something, he goes on and on with 'Isn't that good?' 'I did good, didn't I?' and everyone is expected to rain praise upon him. I could have bought something from the store and all I would get would be 'Dang, Mom! I thought you were going to MAKE something!' Guess I'm screwed either way.
His subtle undermining my efforts while # 1 is home is something I don't really understand. Maybe b/c he's the step-dad he feels the need to compete? What the hell does he care, really? It's not like he actually gives a shit. I think it's more of an attempt to cut me down in her eyes. Am I making too much of it? You be the judge after reading the rest.
Husband gets off the couch long enough to sit at the table and eat dinner - during which he adds nothing to the conversation. He just sits and eats and then gets up with a decidedly unenthusiastic 'That was good.' and returns to the couch.
# 2 & # 3 leave with friends and # 1 wants to play some games. I said fine but that it would just be the 2 of us playing because husband won't play anything. Sure enough, he slept on the couch the rest of the evening. I make an offhand remark about that being all he does and am told by # 1 'Well, that's ok.'
Later, # 1 and I have a few beers to relax and catch up on what's been going on. I mention my frustration over his total immersion with the rv and his lack of concern over any of the repairs that have been screaming to be done to the house. Here's what I get - 'Dang, Mom! Why do you have to be so mean?'
We end up in the basement to listen to some music - husband is still sleeping on the couch and it's hours later by now - and she comments on all the spiders and bugs in the basement. I tell her that it's because we still don't have the stucco done on the outside and that the house is pretty much open to anything that wants to come in. I attempt, again, to express my frustration at husband's lack of responsibility when it comes to keeping the house in what would be considered by most people the minimum required state of repair. Again I'm asked, 'Why do I complain so much and why don't I say something to him?' like I hadn't EVER thought of that! I'm tired of saying something to him because I get the same response from him that I do from her!
So, for whatever reason, in her eyes, I'm not allowed to be upset, state my opinion, or even express my frustration about anything having to do with husband. There were more examples, subtle but telling me in so many words to STFU about it all. So, I did in an attempt to extract at least some enjoyment from her visit.
I kept telling myself that Monday would be a good day because we are going to see my friend and she and # 1 will get to meet each other. It's always so much easier to speak of someone that you've met as opposed to someone you haven't. KWIM? Plus, despite her disregard for MY feelings, I'm still very proud of her and her accomplishments and want to share her with my friend. I also love my friend so much that I want to share HER with my daughter. That's not too much to ask, is it?
Well, we were supposed to have the whole day to work out our plan but she called from her grand-mother's last night to say that she won't be home tonight (last night) like she promised but instead will be home today sometime around 2 or 3pm. Which, of course, leaves me and friend hanging for the better part of the day and unable to make plans. I really can't plan to be there at 4pm unless I know that she will definitely be home when she says she will be which isn't usually the case as illustrated here. Then I find out from # 3 that she and # 1 have plans to go out and shoot pool (we have a table in the basement) at some point which tells me that my plans with friend had better not take too damn long!
I see this as another disrespect heaped upon me. Who cares about my plans or my time or what my friend might have planned for today - a holiday - with her family?
God, I'm so tired. Even though it's before noon, I just want to hide in my room and get drunk. Forget everything and everyone.
I always make # 1 pumpkin bread because it's her favorite and she requests it. I did that. However, when husband took his check to the bank, he also stopped at the store where he picked up oatmeal raisin cookies and strawberry cheesecake. I could have saved myself the time and trouble of going out of my way to bake because it's been totally ignored by everyone. As he usually does when HE actually does something, he goes on and on with 'Isn't that good?' 'I did good, didn't I?' and everyone is expected to rain praise upon him. I could have bought something from the store and all I would get would be 'Dang, Mom! I thought you were going to MAKE something!' Guess I'm screwed either way.
His subtle undermining my efforts while # 1 is home is something I don't really understand. Maybe b/c he's the step-dad he feels the need to compete? What the hell does he care, really? It's not like he actually gives a shit. I think it's more of an attempt to cut me down in her eyes. Am I making too much of it? You be the judge after reading the rest.
Husband gets off the couch long enough to sit at the table and eat dinner - during which he adds nothing to the conversation. He just sits and eats and then gets up with a decidedly unenthusiastic 'That was good.' and returns to the couch.
# 2 & # 3 leave with friends and # 1 wants to play some games. I said fine but that it would just be the 2 of us playing because husband won't play anything. Sure enough, he slept on the couch the rest of the evening. I make an offhand remark about that being all he does and am told by # 1 'Well, that's ok.'
Later, # 1 and I have a few beers to relax and catch up on what's been going on. I mention my frustration over his total immersion with the rv and his lack of concern over any of the repairs that have been screaming to be done to the house. Here's what I get - 'Dang, Mom! Why do you have to be so mean?'
We end up in the basement to listen to some music - husband is still sleeping on the couch and it's hours later by now - and she comments on all the spiders and bugs in the basement. I tell her that it's because we still don't have the stucco done on the outside and that the house is pretty much open to anything that wants to come in. I attempt, again, to express my frustration at husband's lack of responsibility when it comes to keeping the house in what would be considered by most people the minimum required state of repair. Again I'm asked, 'Why do I complain so much and why don't I say something to him?' like I hadn't EVER thought of that! I'm tired of saying something to him because I get the same response from him that I do from her!
So, for whatever reason, in her eyes, I'm not allowed to be upset, state my opinion, or even express my frustration about anything having to do with husband. There were more examples, subtle but telling me in so many words to STFU about it all. So, I did in an attempt to extract at least some enjoyment from her visit.
I kept telling myself that Monday would be a good day because we are going to see my friend and she and # 1 will get to meet each other. It's always so much easier to speak of someone that you've met as opposed to someone you haven't. KWIM? Plus, despite her disregard for MY feelings, I'm still very proud of her and her accomplishments and want to share her with my friend. I also love my friend so much that I want to share HER with my daughter. That's not too much to ask, is it?
Well, we were supposed to have the whole day to work out our plan but she called from her grand-mother's last night to say that she won't be home tonight (last night) like she promised but instead will be home today sometime around 2 or 3pm. Which, of course, leaves me and friend hanging for the better part of the day and unable to make plans. I really can't plan to be there at 4pm unless I know that she will definitely be home when she says she will be which isn't usually the case as illustrated here. Then I find out from # 3 that she and # 1 have plans to go out and shoot pool (we have a table in the basement) at some point which tells me that my plans with friend had better not take too damn long!
I see this as another disrespect heaped upon me. Who cares about my plans or my time or what my friend might have planned for today - a holiday - with her family?
God, I'm so tired. Even though it's before noon, I just want to hide in my room and get drunk. Forget everything and everyone.
posted by bb at 11:11 AM
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