Consider how hard it is to change yourself and you'll understand what little chance you have in trying to change others. ~Jacob M. Braude

I've been in a funk for most of the day.

When the girls came home from school, my mood lightened a bit because I could think about other things. Prior to that, though, I replayed in my mind the conversation I had with my friend last night.

It took me all day, and several hours into the evening, to grasp the source of my mood. The title quote says it all.

I did my very best to tell my friend not to give up. Not to fail; to try his best to not repeat past failures. I gave it to him hard, too. I was relentless in my begging him to keep on trying, to fight with everything he had, to find the fire within himself and to never give up.

God, I'm such an ass. And a huge hypocrite. I'm slime.

What right do I have to give anyone advice about not giving up? What do I know about fighting for goals and then seeing them to fruition? None. I have no right whatsoever.

I gave up on mine long ago.

I don't remember the year, the day, or the exact moment but I do remember deciding to let it all go.

I was battle weary from years of thinking that if I wanted something badly enough, I would get it! For years I fought the good fight and did everything the way I was supposed to to no avail. How could I have known that no matter how much I wanted something that my hopes could be endlessly dashed upon the rocks and eroded year after year?

I remember someone saying to me, 'If you don't care anymore, you won't hurt anymore.' I took those words to heart. Not because I didn't care any more but because I was tired of hurting. Tired of caring for seemingly no reason.

Now, after talking with my friend last night, I don't know if I took the easy way out or if I did the smart thing and accepted the inevitable.

I told him that his acceptance wasn't inevitable; that he should keep trying no matter how hard that trying was for him.

Perhaps I was attempting to impart to him my wisdom from the lesson I had learned?

That giving up doesn't feel quite as good as you'd hoped it would.