Help, you know I need someone, help.
Well, this week sees me going into week # 4 of amazingly painful sciatia. I don't know how people who have chronic sciatica can function on a daily basis. If this condition doesn't abate, and soon, I'll be borderline suicidal!
Some aspects of my condition have improved - like the fact that I can drive. However, I can't really walk well enough to shop. # 2 and # 3 did the grocery shopping for me this week while I stayed in the car. They did very well getting everything on the list except the ice cream. Very disappointing to find it missing because when you're reduced to sitting in bed all but a couple of hours a day, ice cream does much to boost your mood. Oh well - guess I didn't need it anyway.
Husband is still sleeping in the rv despite me telling him that it's ok to come back to the bedroom. I'm able to sleep on my side now even though I do still wake up with pain every 2 hours and must readjust my position or get up for a bit to 'walk it off'. Every night this week husband has skulked out to the rv with not so much as a look in on me or a good night. He just gets up from the couch and goes out the front door to the Coachmen with no word to anyone. He must be afraid that I'll ask for a helping hand if he pokes his head into the bedroom before retiring. This scenario is why one of my worst fears of getting old is that I'll be totally dependent upon him for my care. No doubt I would be ignored for days on end or totally forgotten and left to lie in my own filth until the stench was too much to be ignored.
Well, he's not the only one to have a problem with my disability. Why is it that when a strong person, like myself, is looked upon with disdain when it becomes necessary for THEM to ask for help? It's always acceptable for others to call upon the strong when THEY need help but to reciprocate - unheard of! You find out very quickly who your friends really are at times like these.
I have heard nothing from STFBN since she tried to inflict more pain on me the night of the 4th. She had offered me a recliner to use while I was unable to sleep in the bed but that was never forthcoming. She had told me to call if I needed anything which of course, I have not. Yet a phone call to check in on me has yet to happen. Perhaps she's afraid, as is husband, that if she were to call, I would ask for a favor. When SHE was home for 6 months after having a car accident, I called at least twice a week and offered to get her supplies or would visit with her for hours if she was feeling especially depressed and in need of company. But I've always been the strong one so it's my place to offer help but not to receive it, right?
A friend did come out of the woodwork, though. Nice surprise that! I got an early morning phone call from someone I've known only for about a year telling me to look on my front porch. There I found fresh veggies from the farmer's market, some goodies for the rv, and 4 pieces of homemade blueberry pound cake. Her act of random kindness and thoughtfulness reduced me to tears! Never would I have thought that anyone would go out of their way to think of me. She had been emailing me, checking up on my condition, but never mentioned that she would actually demonstrate her friendship with a physical act - bringing me sustenance for my soul. True friendship does exist!
Others who know about my currently limited abilities have also been nowhere to be found - or heard from. No phone calls even from # 1 who has called here more than a few times in the past week but only to talk to # 3.
Yes - I'm whining and feeling sorry for myself. Sorry that all those I've cared for and gone out of my way to support and comfort over the years have left me wondering why I ever bothered with any of them.
Such is the human condition I suppose. Like *they* say - never do anything for anyone and expect the same in return. You'll be disappointed every time.
Some aspects of my condition have improved - like the fact that I can drive. However, I can't really walk well enough to shop. # 2 and # 3 did the grocery shopping for me this week while I stayed in the car. They did very well getting everything on the list except the ice cream. Very disappointing to find it missing because when you're reduced to sitting in bed all but a couple of hours a day, ice cream does much to boost your mood. Oh well - guess I didn't need it anyway.
Husband is still sleeping in the rv despite me telling him that it's ok to come back to the bedroom. I'm able to sleep on my side now even though I do still wake up with pain every 2 hours and must readjust my position or get up for a bit to 'walk it off'. Every night this week husband has skulked out to the rv with not so much as a look in on me or a good night. He just gets up from the couch and goes out the front door to the Coachmen with no word to anyone. He must be afraid that I'll ask for a helping hand if he pokes his head into the bedroom before retiring. This scenario is why one of my worst fears of getting old is that I'll be totally dependent upon him for my care. No doubt I would be ignored for days on end or totally forgotten and left to lie in my own filth until the stench was too much to be ignored.
Well, he's not the only one to have a problem with my disability. Why is it that when a strong person, like myself, is looked upon with disdain when it becomes necessary for THEM to ask for help? It's always acceptable for others to call upon the strong when THEY need help but to reciprocate - unheard of! You find out very quickly who your friends really are at times like these.
I have heard nothing from STFBN since she tried to inflict more pain on me the night of the 4th. She had offered me a recliner to use while I was unable to sleep in the bed but that was never forthcoming. She had told me to call if I needed anything which of course, I have not. Yet a phone call to check in on me has yet to happen. Perhaps she's afraid, as is husband, that if she were to call, I would ask for a favor. When SHE was home for 6 months after having a car accident, I called at least twice a week and offered to get her supplies or would visit with her for hours if she was feeling especially depressed and in need of company. But I've always been the strong one so it's my place to offer help but not to receive it, right?
A friend did come out of the woodwork, though. Nice surprise that! I got an early morning phone call from someone I've known only for about a year telling me to look on my front porch. There I found fresh veggies from the farmer's market, some goodies for the rv, and 4 pieces of homemade blueberry pound cake. Her act of random kindness and thoughtfulness reduced me to tears! Never would I have thought that anyone would go out of their way to think of me. She had been emailing me, checking up on my condition, but never mentioned that she would actually demonstrate her friendship with a physical act - bringing me sustenance for my soul. True friendship does exist!
Others who know about my currently limited abilities have also been nowhere to be found - or heard from. No phone calls even from # 1 who has called here more than a few times in the past week but only to talk to # 3.
Yes - I'm whining and feeling sorry for myself. Sorry that all those I've cared for and gone out of my way to support and comfort over the years have left me wondering why I ever bothered with any of them.
Such is the human condition I suppose. Like *they* say - never do anything for anyone and expect the same in return. You'll be disappointed every time.
Help!
(Lennon/McCartney)
Lead vocal: John
~~~
Help, I need somebody,
Help, not just anybody,
Help, you know I need someone, help.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these days are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.
And now my life has changed in oh so many ways,
My independence seems to vanish in the haze.
But every now and then I feel so insecure,
I know that I just need you like I've never done before.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me.
When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way.
But now these daya are gone, I'm not so self assured,
Now I find I've changed my mind and opened up the doors.
Help me if you can, I'm feeling down
And I do appreciate you being round.
Help me, get my feet back on the ground,
Won't you please, please help me, help me, help me, oh.
posted by bb at 9:57 AM
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