Am I tweaking the nose of Karma?

Yesterday I didn't blog because I was tired from weeks of crappy sleeping, infected molar aka the turn-coat tooth, and an overall feeling of pissiness. Well, ok, that's a normal day for me so I really have no excuse except for laziness.

SOOOO..... I didn't log in this corker! Don't be afraid; read on.

My neighbor of 8 yrs now is also my some-time friend. She thinks of me as more of a friend than I do her because she will go for months and not call, email, or shout at me from across the street. That's not the sign of a 'true' friend, is it? No, I don't think so either. I always have to call her and when I do, I get this tripe - "Well, it's about time you called!" What the crap?

So, anyway, she calls me last night wanting to know if I ever returned her paints and brushes. Now, you need to know this - SHE brought them to MY house and used them. I didn't BORROW them. I have my own, thank you very much.

I told her that, yes, had I returned them in January. She's looking for them while I'm on the phone and we're talking about other things like she can't hang up or she'll never find them because she's really thinking that I am holding them hostage.

In the course of our 'fill-in' convo, I hear about her dreaded family reunion in Nashville and not Shreveport like she wants because Shreveport has gambling and Nashville has, well, nothing. I hear about her husband's dental drama, and the fact that I'll need to feed the dog they slowly and subtly insinuated into their home by feeding it constantly thus making it not want to stay home (next door) thereby giving them the excuse to keep it because "He just wasn't happy over there!".

I sneak in during a pause and tell her that I had finally gotten myself a new stove after 3 yrs of using one with no knobs or oven door handle. The oven had gone out and I put my foot down with husband. Enough is enough! Am I right? Hell, yeah, I'm right!

No sooner had I spoken the words, than she suddenly finds the bag containing the paints and brushes, thus, totally ignoring my new stove good-fortune. No oooo's, no aaaaa's, no questions to show even a feigned interest.

Needless to say - it pissed me off! I, and my new stove, had been dissed! As you can well imagine, that causes evil BB to take over my body and loose the hounds on some-time friend and bitch neighbor.

"Oh", I say to her, "Did I tell you what we're getting?"

She says, "No. What's that?", in that off-handed, I-don't-really-care-now-that-I've-found-my- paints, kind of way.

So I say, "Husband's parents are GIVING him a motor home. Can you believe it?" (Muhahaha)

Well, that got her attention! Suddenly, I've got something to say that she wants to hear. Yeah! She's back in 'friend' mode. I'm worthy of her time again. I can park it in her yard. She won't mind doing that favor since we have nowhere to park it. After all, we're friends, aren't we?

She's going on and on so much about parking it in her yard, I'm starting to think that she's already working on a plan to keep it like she has the neighbor's dog.

I needn't have worried. She just wanted to know if, "We could borrow it to go to Nashville next weekend?"

And people wonder where I get all my negativity. Well, there you go.